2 nights ago, I dreamt that I was shot at the back. I don’t know if I died that time but what I can remember is the subotized pain. I was suddenly awaken. I immediately searched the meaning of my dream with the help of Google. To shot at the back means I will be back stab or was back stabbed.
Today, I am using the Facebook Account of my husband. Here comes a message from one of my Niece saying “Hi”. After few minutes, saying “Gago” (Crazy/Idiot in English). At the later part of our conversation, I told her not to chat because we don’t have important conversation to discuss. Then she said to me “Ang pangit ng asawa mo..” (Your wife is ugly). Without that person realizing that she is talking to the WIFE.
Then she instantly logged out.
Few minutes after that conversation, I was thinking if I am really ugly. I think I am not. How come a 11-year-old girl would talk like that, chatting with correct spelling. Then here comes another instance from the past.
I had a silent war with the MOTHER of that child two years ago. For that woman told everybody that we are always bringing Merienda (Snacks) to my husband’s Grandmother because we are obsequious. After hearing that story, we never brought any snacks to Grandmother’s house. That is past, I forgave her for what she had done, but can’t forget what she did for it will serve as a lesson.
I think the person who shot at my back in my dream is the mother of that child. The person who will stabbed my back.
For me not to get mad, I am ALWAYS thinking that I should increase my patience (Lord, please help me increase my patience.. please..). Nothing will happened if I will back stabbed her, I will not earn money with that, duh! All I have to do is to focus and think on how to earn money so we can buy Lanchiel’s diapers. Spending my effort and time to earn a living is the right thing to do!
I recently gave birth to a baby girl last November. Now she is two-months-old, I am a full time mom nursing her needs with the help of my husband who is now unemployed. And it bothers me if I am going to work today or not.. Will I apply for a job? Will I open a business at home? I don’t know when and where will this thinking end.. all I know is that I have a responsibility to do. Having a job can be a way where I can escape this responsibility and also a way where we can earn a living. But what is more important, giving time and love for my daughter or giving her basic needs without spending much time for her? This is the dilemma most moms are into.
This is my first picture with my daughter Lanchiel. This was taken inside the Recovery Room of Dr. Jose Fabella Memorial Hospital.
When I am in a bad mood, I am breathing deeply to make me feel better. Then I am going outside our house to inhale fresh air.